The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
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