He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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