End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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