and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
