I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
