booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
