so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The air was thick with penises
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
