Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
