Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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