i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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