They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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