Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
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six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
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Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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