he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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