Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
