Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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