Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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