Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
