Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
