The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
