You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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