You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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