oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
