u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
