Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
