you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
