that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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