she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
