She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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