It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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