I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
