saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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