Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
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One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
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It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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