How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize