1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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