I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
