Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
