what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize