I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
