i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
