we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
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You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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