True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
