Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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