You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
