my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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