and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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