yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
