I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
