Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
