I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
