If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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