Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
