So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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