did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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