There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize