the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
