I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize