before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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