We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
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