After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize