we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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